Probably the most adventurous thing I did during the pandemic lockdown was on my yoga mat. During a year where I was in my bedroom basically 24/7 for working, working out, sleeping, and sometimes eating, yoga was something I could still do within a 68×24 in. rectangle of space. This wasn’t my first time doing yoga (see my previous blog on yoga power!), but this time I adopted it as a practice, as a part of my exercise and wellness routine. What helped me do that was a yearly (discounted) subscription of AloMoves, an online platform with unlimited yoga and fitness classes. I was most drawn to the skills classes, which gave me an opportunity to challenge myself and explore more of what I could do. I decided to try something new and learn a new skill.

I’ve wanted to be able to do the splits for a long time. Technically I have been trying to do the splits since I was 8. I came somewhat close but reached a plateau early on, which is where I have been for the past 15 years. So I decided to commit to a 30-day splits class. The first few days were hip and lunge stretches, which felt good, but I didn’t feel like they were bringing me any closer to the splits. But the class taught me how to work towards the splits. For the last 15 years I mistakenly believed that doing the splits was about having a flexible groin. But it’s actually about your hamstring and hip flexibility. Shortly after I finished the 30 days, I felt my legs opening up and the flexibility to go deeper, and suddenly was able to get really close to the ground!

I’m still not able to do the splits all the way. It continues to be a challenge, and my left hamstring is considerably tighter than my right. But I’m really close, and at the moment, I can savor how far I’ve come and how good it feels to stretch out my tight hips and hamstrings.

Next challenge was the headstand. I first decided I wanted to learn it when I saw my sister doing it. She made it look so easy; apparently she watched a YouTube video and figured it out “after a few tries.” That’s not what happened with me. I tried and tried and tried again, and watched the video again and again. But I couldn’t do it. My neck was sore, my arms felt weak, the top of my head felt more pressure than felt normal. It was so hard — I thought I would never be able to do a headstand. I’ve been reading Mindset by Carol Dweck, the well-circulated book about the growth mindset—the powerful idea that our basic qualities are things that we can cultivate through our efforts, and that everyone can change and grow through application and experience. I was certainly guilty of the fixed mindset in believing that I could not possibly do it, that I just wasn’t a type of person who could do a headstand.

But I watched another video on AloMoves that walked you through how to do one. Honestly it was a little painful seeing how easy they made it look, but the video gave me a sense of where I was going and what I was aiming for. The instructor focused on easing yourself into it — not jumping up, but getting to the point where you could balance on your head and slowly, with control, lift your feet off the ground. Moving away from the wall, aka the training wheels, was the first — and hardest — milestone. After doing it multiple times against the wall, ingraining in my body the strange feeling of balancing your hips on top of your head, I moved a few inches away from the wall and practiced balancing on my head, knowing the wall was there to catch me. It is really a mind game — what was keeping me from lifting my feet higher was not that I physically couldn’t do it but rather, the fear of falling over the other side. Once I could comfortably balance on my head without the wall for more than a split-second, the final step was to extend my legs straight up to the ceiling (which initially required me to go back to the wall). Once my body knew what it should feel like, it became easier, and each time I made an inch’s worth of progress until I could finally balance on my head without feeling like I was losing control. But it wasn’t until 6 months later that I finally broke through, conquering my fears and doing my first headstand.

It was a new and amazing feeling. For me, this was a real, tangible example of the rewards that come with consistent dedication and belief in yourself and what your body can do. Believing that this desirable quality could be developed helped motivate me to keep trying, even when I didn’t feel like it. There were several days when I didn’t feel like it, but something propelled me to keep at it — perhaps it was just knowing that I would feel guilty if I didn’t challenge myself and go for it that day. Conquering my fears on the mat gave me the sense that I could conquer anything in life, whether it be physical or mental (e.g. law school!). As yoga instructors often emphasize, growth is about adopting a consistent practice and accepting your body as it is each day, as no two days are the same for your body. It is not about perfection, but rather, gratitude for choosing to meet yourself on the mat each time.

What I learned is that you do yourself a disservice by comparing yourself to others. Your body is unique, and you need to respect your body’s timeline. It might take anywhere from a day to a year or even longer to learn something, and you just have to go with the flow and trust the process, rather than try to rush things to perfection when you aren’t ready for it.

Next challenge? Handstands. It took me weeks to be able to kick myself up to the wall — now I just need to figure out how to balance my whole body on top of my hands…but I’ve been through this stage before. I’ll keep at it until one day it clicks.