I am a second generation Asian American, raised in California. My sister and I were the first members of our family to be born in the U.S.

In some ways we were the stereotypical Asian family. When I was little, my dad would go on business trips to China, where he would stay for as long as six months at a time. While he was away, he would assign my older sister and me “status reports.” At the end of each week, we would report on how many cups of milk we drank (as my dad claimed, we had to drink milk in order to be tall like so and so — I now like to remind him how much the science has changed since then); how many times we went rollerblading, practiced piano, ate our vitamins, etc. We were naturally motivated to do well in school, but my parents liked to give us extra math problems, citing that our schoolwork wasn’t challenging enough; my mom was most annoyed whenever our teacher gave us theorems to memorize without showing us how to derive them. Tennis tournaments, homework, and church filled my weekends — hanging out with friends wasn’t an option. 

At the same time, we were strongly influenced by American values. My dad, who memorized the dictionary to study for the GRE, would always say that grades don’t matter; it’s what you do with your education that counts. My parents emphasized extracurriculars, often over academics. I was a competitive tennis player, and my dad was really tough on me growing up (often unreasonably so, I felt) because he wanted tennis to open doors for me. While my dad played a little, he felt entitled to act as my coach mainly because he read a lot of books from the greatest players of all time. We got into countless fights that I’ll just say am glad are in the past. American standards have influenced my norms for affection.

Many Asian kids complain that their parents coerce them into playing the piano; for me, my dad quit our piano lessons, citing tennis and our “lack of engagement” as reasons. I remember forcing back tears as I said goodbye to my piano teacher for the last time, and sobbing into my pillow that night, trying to muffle the sound so that my sister in the bed next to me wouldn’t hear. This became a sticky point that never really subsided — to this day, if I bring up the subject, my mom will get angry that my dad didn’t let us finish our studies, and my dad remains adamant that it would’ve been a waste of money. 

Today I am very grateful for what sports and music have given me and the life skills they have taught me. In the end, I decided to play college tennis and my sister and I both decided to pick piano back up in college and perform a senior recital — so maybe everything turned out for the best after all. Now I play both solely for my own enjoyment, and intend to for the rest of my life.

Despite the many fights my family often has over trivial things, I attribute my accomplishments so far to the values my parents instilled by example: discipline and hard work. While they are influenced by the notion that becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer are the only ways to make good money and be successful, at the same time they are happy as long as I pursue what I find most meaningful (even though my dad strongly believes there is no such thing as the “dream job”). While embracing the typically American values of independence and pursuing well-rounded passions that bring me joy, I am proud of my Chinese heritage, which is a part of my identity. I believe I will bring a unique blend of Eastern and Western values to the table that will enable me both to understand the multicultural perspectives of others while drawing on my experiences to understand different ways of approaching an issue. My hope is to cultivate my experiences to bringing out the best of both worlds in my future pursuits and interactions.